Kim Chilvers
At the Fools Journey Restorative Retreat this year, to honor and deepen our work with the Hanged One, I will be offering a morning in silence for us to notice our inner world more and to feel that struggle with not being able to do things the way we ordinarily do them, yet knowing we voluntarily sacrificed our voice for a few hours to find that knowledge, that new way.
The Hanged One is hanging upside down, unable to move but seeing the world in a new way, from a new perspective. This year, also the year of my second Saturn return, I found myself stuck, hanging, unable turning my own life upside down and the universe turning my life upside down. I spent much of the year unrooted and living out of a suitcase, sometimes by choice sometimes out of necessity. How does the Hanged One get tied up, is it by their own initiative, is it because it is time to see the world in a new way, is it consequences of actions made?
In the spring of last year my partner and I decided to house sit for a friend in Santa Cruz for the summer, leaving our home, cats and turtles to be somewhere we love, in someone else's house for a couple of months. Around the same time as we made this decision my father's health was declining and he was placed on hospice. I was very torn, knowing I needed to be able to go North to help him but wanting to go South for adventure, the ocean and a new perspective. I spent a fair amount of time on the road.
During the summer, one of the hardest parts of hanging and having a foot in three places was when my sister and my father got COVID. She was stuck, hanging, sick, alone in a hotel room not knowing if my Dad was going to get it or not. My Dad was alone at home not knowing if he was going to get sick and if he did knowing he was unlikely in his condition to survive. I had to sit with a feeling like I couldn't do anything as I couldn't risk exposing myself (and my chronic health issues) to take care of them and doing nothing does not come easy for me. I could of course do magic, and learn to sit with the unknown with feeling out of control, feeling helpless but getting to know myself in a deeper way, hanging, stuck, tied up. My father did get Covid, got very sick but survived.
During the fall, having made a decision to uproot ourselves and move to Santa Cruz but still back living in Berkeley and spending half of my time in Sebastopol taking care of my Dad. Spending many days and nights surrounded by the quiet liminal space of near death. Hanging, meditating, observing, not a lot to actually do.
Winter, storms brought rapid decisions, packing, hurrying up only to sit and wait for things to come together, less introspection, less observation, more struggle to turn myself and my life back upright in a new way.
We moved into our new place on Spring Equinox and this season is bringing time to reflect on who I now am, older, parent-less, working on regrounding myself with my new feet on new ground.
I am looking forward to our Restorative Retreat continuing our journey with the Fool to the Hanged One, to deepening my ability to sit in the unknown, to be upside down, and come back to be ready for change for myself and the world.
Are you feeling stuck, tied up, ungrounded, are you ready to turn over and see things from a different way, to let go, to change? Do you have a feeling things could be different if you could just get a new perspective? Do you need a weekend in a beautiful place, doing art, getting a facial by the pool? Spots and scholarships are available for the Fools Journey Retreat, June 16-19. Go to www.afoolsjourney.org for more information or to register.
Kim Chilvers